Jori: Literally coffee
by Paperball
Summary: -Another Jori story, of course. Rated T for now.- What happens if you meet an old classmate, that you haven't seen in years, in another country? When life gives you lemons you make lemonade, right? A story about growing up and facing the real world, learning that dreams are meant to be broken.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I know it's been quite some time since I last made an appearance here. But I'm actually starting to miss it, the writing and your reviews. It's been what, like, five years since I published the first chapter of "We are a secret", and now if anything I feel too old for this. But hey, an old love never dies. So let's start with something new. A story about the two darlings, taking place years after they graduated.

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 **Chapter One**

The autumn wind was grabbing the jackets and scarfs of every passerby that made their way along the sidewalk. The sun was being shy, hiding behind thick clouds that seemed to carry rain, nothing unusual there. Outside leaves were swishing down the road, passing the people who were walking with their eyes pinned to the ground. Walking like that, as if the world around you were somehow going to attack at any given moment, was a habit I deeply connected with the Londoners I had come to know from five years of studying them through the windows of the corner café.

It was a totally different atmosphere from what I came from. A hundred and eighty degree turn from the busy American streets, the sunlight on the west coast, to the narrow lanes and grey sky. The old charm that London had was, however, unbeatable. The old brick houses, attached houses, and the red double-deckers. But the most important thing of them all; the musical scene. What I brought from the US was an arts degree in theatre and music, so my plan had been to move to London to break into the musical industry… it had been my plan for almost half a decade now. And still nothing…

"Hey, I payed for a cup of black coffee. Where is it?" A somewhat annoyed, grey-haired, lady pulled my eyes from the world outside to hers that were tense and buried behind badly drawn on eyebrows.

As to wake me up from a dream I shook my head slightly and blinked a couple of times. "Sorry, one second", I apologized. With an automatic motion I slammed the old coffee grounds into the bin and re-filled it, pushed it down with a leveler and secured the portafilter back into place. I let the machine run hot water through the coffee grounds, into a white cup, while I charged the lady in front of me. "1 pound 80 please", which she handed to me in coins with only an unpleased grunt as a response. Before I gave the cup to her I blended the espresso with boiling hot water to make an Americano. A very confusing name for a very ordinary cup of coffee. "Here you go", I said and apologized again, "sorry for the wait".

She gave me a displeased look and walked off with both her hands hugging the cup.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of the chrome finished coffee machine. There was nothing to do but sigh at the sight. My brown, long hair, that at the beginning of the shift had been in a neat ponytail, now looked more like a rats' nest than anything else. And the dark circles I had tried to cover up with concealer now shone through as obvious as an uninvited guest through a glass door.

"Daydreaming again, are we Tori?" A young man's voice, in his early thirties, gave out a slight laughter and took his place next to me by the coffee machine.

I pulled my hair behind my ears and dragged my palms against my apron. "No, you know I never do that. Always focused, right?"

Rob chuckled and answered teasingly in his broad Irish accent, "yeah, right", as he loaded the coffee machine again. "You were dreaming about the West End, didn't you?". His bearded smile was so wide that it made him squint. His manors and presence reminded me slightly of an old classmate of mine, named André, who had been my best friend during my high school years. Someone who had always been there, an easygoing and understanding guy. Glad I found his Irish twin lurking between the British bricks .

I nudged Rob playfully on his shoulder, "well there's not much else to do when you take the longest bathroom breaks in history". I chuckled and gave him a quick smirk as I began to take the next order.

The best thing about working at a moderately busy coffee shop in the outskirts of London was that time passed by fairly quickly. There were rarely so little to do that time crawled, nor was it often so busy that everything that could go wrong went wrong. And it was very easy to understand why the cosy coffee shop was liked by many, both unavoidable tourists and regulars. The interior was dominated by dark wood with moss green accents. Slightly orange lights threw a soft and cosy haze over the tables. It was a rarity to find all seatings occupied which made this the perfect place for the ones who really wanted to enjoy their coffee. It was no Starbucks, who had the mindset of; get your coffee, drink it, leave. No, this coffee shop, "The Coffee Bean", was more in the style of; get your coffee, enjoy it, get another cup, talk for a while or read a book, stay till closing and we have to tell you to leave. The opening hours were between 9am till 9pm and you usually worked a full days shift, sometimes half. After the afternoon rush the flow of costumers thinned out and there were usually only two to five tables occupied at the same time, and a line was unheard of.

Rob mumbled something into the bin, in between a deep sigh, as he emptied another load of used coffee grounds.

"Hu? Were you talking to me?" I asked and turned towards him.

He answered, "not really, just said it's an hour left until we close", at the same time as he looked up at me. His eyes got distracted and he nodded lightly at something behind me me. "Erm…?"

"Oh", I spun around and almost lost my balance on the way. A stunning young woman stood on the other side of the counter and looked up at the menu above me with a tiny wrinkle between her eyebrows. "Hi". I greeted her somewhat startled and heard how Rob tried to cover up a chuckle behind me.

She mumbled, "Hi", back at me, without turning away from the coffee-menu, in an American accent. She had a voice that sent my brain into a shortage. "I'll just have a soy latte. Thanks." She dove down into her handbag. Black, soft, curls framed her face. Big green eyes shimmered under the light hanging from the ceiling, full lips tensed as her hand scratched along the bottom of her bag. I couldn't stop looking at her… something about her seemed oddly familiar.

"… That'll be 2 punds 50, please. Just to let you know, we close in an hour." Rob said from behind me and brought me back to reality.

"Sorry", I smiled awkwardly and took the money the woman held out for me.

She gave out a a comforting laugh, "No worries."

"We're not very busy at the moment as you, probably, can tell." I made a small gesture with an open palm over the counter, displaying an old man looking down at a newspaper with his reading glasses so far down his nose that they almost fell of the tip, his coffee cup empty since way back. The table next to the door was occupied by, what looked like, a couple, immersed in an engaging conversation. A woman with red hair in a messy bun sat by the window table on a bar stool, reading a book, sipping on a cup of green tea. "So you can take a seat, we'll bring you the coffee."

The young woman in front of me took a quick look around her and gave me a soft smile, "Thanks."

The sound of the coffee machine seemed to bring my breathing back to normal. It was as if everything had been at a pause and suddenly someone pushed the play button. I walked up to Rob to look over his shoulder at what he was doing.

"So…" he began, "who was that?" Rob began to skim the milk with the steamer wand and looked up at me as the wand turned the soy milk into a whirlpool.

"I don't know… she reminds me of someone…" I replied thoughtfully. This was one of those rare times where I wished we worked at a Starbucks. But now I had no mug-writing to use as an excuse to ask for someones name.

Rob turned the wand of, cleaned it with a paper towel and dunked the jug of skimmed milk onto the counter a couple of times. "Why didn't you just ask her?"

It had been one of those moments where you really wanted to ask for someones name out of recognition but hadn't dared to do so just in case you were wrong. And the chances of me being wrong were quite big. In London you saw someone you thought you knew twice day, at the very least. Once if you were lucky. And the town was crowded with interesting, eye-catching and good looking people all around. So this was just like any other instance, right…?

"Here", Rob handed me the cup of latte, "bring this to her and ask for her name."

"What is it to you?" I asked suspiciously and slowly accepted the cup.

He took my shoulders and turned me towards the opening between the counter and the wall as he said, "I know how you get when you think you know costumers but don't ask for their names. Don't forget that I'm the one that has to work with you for the rest of the week. Unless you want me to switch my shifts with Anna?"

"No way, don't do that." Anna was the owners daughter, a proper nightmare to work with. Everything seemed to be wrong according to her, everything except her.

Robs firm hands pushed me out onto floor. "Then we have a deal."

I sighed and walked up to the young woman who had seated herself in the corner, next to the the big window that faced the streets of London, on the sofa that stretched along the whole wall. She had a laptop open on the table. Her fingers quickly and methodically pressed the keys. You could tell that she definitely knew what she was doing, it looked as though she had been typing on that device for years.

To get her attention I cleared my throat, "here's your coffee", placing the white cup on the dark wood table next to her with a service minded smile on my face.

"Thanks", she smiled back at me. With both hands she brought the cup up to her lips to take a sip. But just before she did, she hesitated and looked puzzled at me. "You're American right?"

I changed my stance to a more comfortable one, signaling that I had time to talk for a while. "Is it that obvious?"

"Well, I can tell you've been here for a long time. But I never seem to fail in recognizing the old west coast accent." She took a sip from her coffee.

When she began talking to me I had hoped that she would continue the conversation, giving me some sort of hint that she recognized me too. That my confusion wasn't one sided. But when she didn't I found no other choice but to do so myself. "So, you're from there?"

She placed the mug down and half closed the laptop with one hand too get a better look at me. "Yeah, went to Hollywood Arts as a teen actually."

My jaw dropped onto the floor and I lost all words. The only thing that seemed to come out of my open mouth was a sound that was more similar to a broken coffee machine. It was the one person I had admired my whole high school career. I remembered a confident girl with more talent in her pinkie than most people had in their whole body, a girl who didn't care about what anyone said or thought about her. She had been someone who always had been brutally honest and with whom you developed a friendship that you needed to learn how to navigate. To be fair she hadn't always been very nice, but once you had her on your side she was fiercely loyal.

Even though I was out of words she now knew that I knew. "And so did you." She gave out a warm chuckle and that signature smirk of hers from the corner of her mouth with one raised eyebrow. "Hi Tori, good to see you."

Shocked I managed to reply, "… Hi Jade."

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 **A/N:** So what do you guys think? Is it worth continuing? Please let me know or at least say hi if you're still here.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

The rain, that seemed so far away this morning, now came down as if the angels were crying floods. My dripping umbrella was leaning against the table's leg, creating a pool of water on the dark wooden floorboards and causing a barely audible splashing sound as Jade was tapping her foot to the music pouring out of the speakers. As a well integrated Londoner you learn to always carry a foldable umbrella in your handbag wherever you go. That, plus hand sanitizer, paper towels, a water bottle and spare change. Basically you carry around everything you need in case of an emergency or just delayed trains, same difference.

Jade was leaning back in the chair, her arms crossed over her chest. She took a deep breath, "so… it wasn't really yesterday. Now was it?"

"No… not really."

We had walked together to the closest pub after my shift ended. She had been the one to ask me if I had time for a catch-up. And even if I hadn't I would never have told her. It had been such a long time since I heard from anyone from my past, that wasn't a part of my family. Jade looked like herself, still dressed in all black, just a bit more refined. Gone where the studs and the aura of a rocker chick. It had been replaced with a more put together young woman that now sat in front of me across the table. The green light from the chandeliers were giving off the feeling of a lower ceiling. Even if we weren't alone it gave a sense of privacy. Pubs in Angel were never empty, even if it was a weekday. And that day was no exception.

Jade took a sip of her ale and placed both elbows on the table as she leaned forward. "What have you been up to Tori Vega? That is still you name, right?" She raised one eyebrow.

I looked at her soft face with a smile. "Yeah, nothing much."

"Shut up. You're in England, London. That must count for something." She bit back with a bit of the attitude that I strongly connected with the Jade I had known.

The slight shame I had tried to bury deep down for the past few years was creeping its way through the cracks. "Well you've seen it all. I work at the café." I looked down at my tall glas with cider. "I actually came here with the dream of getting into the musical industry." A giggle escaped me. "But that was was just young stupidity. Soon to be thirty. And still a nobody." I met Jade's gaze with a beaten down smile.

She responded by firmly kicking me under the table, right at a bruise. "Oh, I'm sorry". The sincere apologize came as soon as she saw my crunched up face. "But no, you're not a nobody. You've managed to stay here for five years, so you must have found a home. That's more than most."

To quickly change the subject I turned the focus to her. "You've gotten nicer", I said playfully. That was my honest opinion, even if I said it with a bit of irony. She seemed much more caring and mature than I remembered her. During our high school years you rarely had the honor to get a glimpse of the vulnerable side of Jade. But she appeared to have flipped a switch.

"Well, you learn with time that you need other people. And they won't stick around if you're horrible and selfish." She looked thoughtfully at her hand as her thumb rubbed the along the brim of the glas. "You remember Beck, right?"

I simply nodded.

"We actually got engaged five years ago…" After a shaky breath she added, "the same year you moved here. But it didn't last, we ended the engagement after a year. And I moved to New York." Even if it had been a few years since then you could hear how fresh the wounds felt to her by the trembles in her voice. "To get far away from my broken life." A self-conscious smile tired to smooth over the severity of what she had just said.

The words I had just heard were still ringing in my ears. "Jade, are you okay?"

A heartfelt smile made her come to life, "me? I'm better than ever."

Her undoubted honesty that came with her last words sent a wave of calm over me. Never could I have guessed that I would have wished that I had been a better friend of Jade's. But at that moment I did. It was unavoidable to wonder if she ever needed a friend back at home, and what happened to Cat. Cat had been Jade's best friend, and her total opposite. Catherine, as her real name was, had been a naive, overly friendly and happy girl with a bright personality. "You still talk to Cat?"

Jade smiled, "sometimes, yeah. She's still in Hollywood… with Robbie." She chuckled into her glas and continued after another sip, "but we all saw that coming, right?"

With a laugh I replied, "yeah, right". "Mm…", I began as I swallowed some of the bitter cider, "… but what are you doing in London?"

A proud but shy smile spread across her face. "I'm… I'm writing a play."

That was probably what she was doing on her laptop at the café. "Oh my god!" If it would have been anyone else the envy would have crushed me right then and there. But I could not feel anything but happiness for her. "Congratulations! But how?"

"The reason I moved to New York. - And why it didn't work out with Beck- ," she added quickly before slowing down her pace again, "I was writing a play back in Hollywood with André that got some recognition. In New York that trend seemed to continue. I'm actually now working on a play with Seth Ashford."

"Seth Ashford?!" I echoed without even thinking. He was one of the new rising stars within the industry and had been featured in the lates edition of Equity, a magazine for actors and actresses in England. In the center spread he was interviewed about the unexpected popularity he gained from his latest play named 'A human's worth'. A play I hadn't actually seen, but if the circumstances had been different I would have.

Jade noticed my shocked state, and incapability to proceed speaking, and picked up the conversation. "Yeah, that Seth. He was in New York and saw the premiere of my play. Afterwards he'd looked me up and asked if I wanted to work together on a new project here in London. So… here I am."

"When did you arrive? And how long are you staying?"

"Two days ago. So I'm still a tourist. The plan is for us to finish writing it and hold auditions before the year's over. Rehearsals will begin next year." She paused for a second. "If you want to, I'll make sure you'll be a shoe in."

I couldn't help but feel honored, and touched. "Woha, really?" But then, like a punch in the stomach, reality caught up with me. It had started to darken outside. I quickly glanced at my phone to check the time before looking up at Jade who, concerned, studied me. "I would have loved that… But I can't, I'm sorry. And it's getting late. I gotta go."

She followed me with her worried gaze as I gathered my things. Now it was her turn to ask me how I was, "Tori, is everything okay?" When I got up to leave she stood up too. "Tori?" Her soft hand stopped me from walking away by gently placing it on my forearm.

Absentmindedly I replied, "I'm fine. Really. I just have to catch the bus." Trying to act close to normal I flashed a smile. The same smile you learn to pull when working within costumer service. It's more of a plastered on, fake smile than anything else.

Jade pulled me into an unexpected hug. She spoke over my shoulder, "It was really nice seeing you today. It's been such a long time." She pushed me back, with her hands still resting on my shoulders, to get a better look at my face. "Feels like another life, right?"

"Definitely. It was nice seeing you too." I gave her another quick hug before heading towards the door. Without thinking I stopped and turned back towards Jade who were buttoning her coat. "Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?"

She looked up at me, a strand of black hair covering her right eye. "Well", she pulled the strand back behind her ear and straightened up, "I have to meet up with Seth at the theatre in the afternoon. But before that I haven't got any plans, why?"

"If you need a tourist guide I'll be happy to. I work the closing shift tomorrow so how about a day-trip to Camden?"

She smirked, "That sounds great. Don't miss your bus."

"Then it's a date." I quickly spun around and headed towards the drenched world outside without a second glance.

Hiding from the rain under the umbrella and attempting to shield myself from the wind by burying my face deeper down into the scarf around my neck. Feeling stressed, I looked up at the digital timetable and unconsciously began tapping my foot against the shiny asphalt. Public transport in London was, in all honesty, nothing to complain about. But you'll be surprised at how quickly you get used to being spoiled with close to regular connections. The two minutes till the bus arrived felt like hours, slower than a sloth crawling across a road. Which, if you look it up on youtube, is painfully slow. Taking the bus across London's inner city was another hurdle. It took longer than an hour to get from Angel down to Herne Hill via bus. You could take the train and underground, but that meant more money being spent only to win about twenty minutes. So in conclusion, not very worth it.

I almost fell asleep, in the completely lit up bus, with my head against the cold window. Being surrounded by light made it almost impossible to distinguish where in London you were, the darkness outside was more like a black blind over the windows. The bus reached Herne Hill and the dread I felt over getting off grew by the millisecond. And that fear kept on growing as I walked along the park and then turned a sharp left. My feet felt heavy like led and I sent a silent pray to any God that was willing to listen. I prayed that it would be alright, at least for tonight.

The attached, two floor house was looking just like the neighboring buildings. Draped in a brick exterior it wasn't much to look at, very ordinary. The only things that clearly marked where one house ended and the other one began were fences that showed which entry belonged to which house. And the different coloured doors gave some sense of individuality. Ours was blue, light blue. In the dark night the neighbors windows lit up like small television screens, displaying tiny parts of other peoples lives. I wondered what they knew about my life…

My hand trembled slightly as I reached for the key and opened the door. It was dark inside and with that came the hope that he had already gone to bed. I took my coat off and placed my handbag on the floor. In Europe you take your shoes off… except for in England… it was just like America on that aspect. But the fact was more disturbing when you mixed it with the British weather and the love for carpet. That thought left a sour aftertaste.

Trying to keep my presence a unnoticed I tip toed towards the bathroom. I passed the living room and caught a glimpse of the coffee table in the light of the lamp on the window sill. On it stood, what looked like, a few empty beer bottles. You know, to take the edge off after a long day of hard work. That wasn't so bad. Right?

But suddenly, from the bedroom upstairs, a deep and slow voice stopped me dead in my tracks. An ice cold chill rushed up along my spine. "You're late."

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 **A/N:** Okay. So what we're doing right now is unwrapping the years between their high school years and now. What's happened to them etc. I want this story to be more realistic, remember, they've grown up. For now I'll let the story be from Tori's point of view. But as everything else that might change. And you'll have to excuse me for a late update, but this story is hitting closer to home than I planned…

On another note. I can't believe some of you are still here! I'm so happy too see some familiar names popping up in my review inbox. What do you think about this new approach?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Sun was a rarity, but luck happened to be on my side that day. The people, walking down the streets, were glowing in the orange autumn light. I had seated myself on the second floor, right in the front of the bus. From there you could see everything, and a long bus ride was definitely more enjoyable from up there than an hour staring into the back of a strangers head. The bus passed the eccentric stores along Camden High Street. Many of the stores made sure everyone knew what they could find inside by displaying huge art pieces of what they sold on the exterior of the building. That really gave this district its personality. Camden town and the Camden market were two enormous tourist magnets. It also seemed to attract the odd, the unconventional if you will. And with its history within the drug scene it turns from a quirky sightseeing stop during the daytime into a dark and somewhat ominous place at night.

I got off the bus and took a slow spin around on the spot, trying to get a glimpse of shiny black curls amongst the crowds. With both hands I pulled my coat closer to my body. Even if it, in fact, was sunny that day you couldn't mistake the autumn in the air even if you tried.

"Hi, Tori!" Vaguely, I could hear my name being called out to my left. I turned my head in the direction of the sound and saw an arm, in a leather jacket, wave my way.

An unexplainable feeling of relief filled me when I saw Jade making her way towards me against the stream of people. "Jade", I smiled over her shoulder as I pulled her into a hug, "hi".

After she broke free from my hug she said, "you seem happy to see me", and nudged my upper arm gently with her fist.

Unfortunately she hadn't been gentle enough. Because it sent an unpleasant feeling through my nervous system. And an automatic,"ouch", escaped me.

"You've hurt your arm?"Jade asked with a wrinkled forehead and worried voice.

"No… not really." I put on a smile that probably looked more like a grimace. "Think I just bumped into something yesterday."

Jade didn't look overly convinced at my explanation. But, thankfully, she didn't bring it up again. "If you say so." She grabbed my hand and, unprepared as I was, it sent a pleasant shiver up along my arm. "Come on, I want to see the stalls." And then she half led me, half dragged me along with her. All I could feel was her warm fingers intertwined with mine.

In Camden town the vendors, or stores, were assigned small stalls where they displayed their items. Even if they where the same all year round, you got the feeling of it being more like a market. It was the perfect place to find odd things for a birthday, or quirky things to perfectly complement your personality. You could find candles in the disguise of wine bottles, a cereal café, food, pin-up dresses, clothes made completely out of plastic and even vintage tableware.

We walked past a place where they sold leather boots, long capes with studs and mesh clothes. Everything in a black color scheme. I stopped and pointed into the little shop. "Look, this would have been your go to place a couple of years ago."

Jade, who didn't notice that I had stopped until she ended up a few feet in front of me, looked around herself in confusion. When she couldn't find me ahead of her she turned around and spotted me outside the shop. She walked back, placed herself behind me and looked at the direction I was pointing. A soft chuckle warmed my ear, "oh, that was totally my style back in high school".

With a factual voice, and a dash of irony, I stated,"I know. Exactly what I was saying".

"Sorry dear, didn't hear you." Jade hip bumped me jovially before passing me to enter the stall.

The leather jacket felt squeaky as I touched it, a feeling that wasn't very nice or enjoyable. I couldn't make out if it was because it was good quality leather or because it was fake. Camden was anyhow mostly visited by tourists and they probably didn't care either or. I turned over to look at Jade who were walking back and forth, eyeing the clothing racks with a hint of nostalgia in her eyes. "You miss it?"

"Not really. I suppose ones sense of style changes." She pulled out a black dress with a mesh bodice. "But I guess I thought it looked good back then."

"I don't think style changes… more like evolves." I walked up to Jade. "But I think your style fit you pretty well in high school. Kept that aura of scary yet cool." My comment made Jade chuckle. "At least you had more personality than I had."

"True." She grinned and scanned me from head to toe. Self-consciously I looked around for an escape plan without success. "I can see you haven't really changed much. Still as boring as a tube of toothpaste."

I couldn't help but to look down at my clothes. My generic blue jeans and black t-shirt was, as Jade mentioned, as bland as any toiletry of your choice. The only thing that gave me some sort of own identity was my red autumn coat. Defeated I muttered, "you're probably right…"

Jade smirked, "I was only kidding. I liked how you dressed back then", she added quickly, "and now for that matter. Simple."

We perused the interesting stores, ignored the boring ones. Tourists were stopping at the most boring vendors in the market. Who in their right mind found cards, that created 3D figurines when unfolded, interesting enough to block the walkway for several minutes? Even the stalls that were obviously only for the easily fooled were drawing the attention of tourists. Jade seemed to only find an interest in the shops that selled interestingly odd things that I would categorise as miscellaneous. When we walked past the food stalls my mouth began to water, but we ended up at the Canal café on the other side of the high street. A pretty cozy café with a focus on organic, vegan and healthy foods. I never really fell for the vegan, raw food craze that was a thing a few years ago. But the mindset still seemed to linger as an integrated part of society. Something about the way people talked about the diet made me think that it wasn't going to evaporate in the near future.

The café was crowded. Which in itself wasn't a big surprise minding the nice weather and the place. A wall of murmurs from the café guests gave a sense of privacy where we sat by the window table, looking out over Camden lock. "So, how's the play going?" I asked as I absentmindedly stirred my coffee with a tiny teaspoon.

Jade gave me an exciting look and a soft smile spread across her lips. "It's really exciting. Seth's found the perfect theatre. He talked with the owner yesterday." She took a bite from a vegan, raw food chocolate cake that looked so much like a baked one that it must have been made with magic. "Wow, this is good", she uttered with a hand covering her mouth, pointing her spoon at the cake in front of her.

"So that's why you're going there this afternoon then?" I asked. My question made her smile even more radiant than before. Her smile was entrancing, and her excitement palpable. She seemed so much more pretty, and beautiful than I remembered her. Time had given her a calmer confidence that was extremely admirable and remarkably appealing.

"Yeah, you're welcome to come tomorrow if you want to have look." My reaction of silence was interpreted as a no by Jade. But in reality it was just pure hesitation. Jade didn't seem to mind either or. She continued, "I'll text you the adress anyways, in case you change your mind." She pulled up her phone and nodded at the cake, "you should taste it."

Only seconds after she said that my phone vibrated. I looked down at the screen in my lap and saw a text from Jade. In slight confusion and shock I wondered, "you have my phone number?"

"I take it as you still have the same phone number then." Pleased, she shifted her weight to one side of the chair and squeezed her phone back into her pocket.

"Yes, I suppose I do. Haven't really thought about that… never had a reason." I took a sip from my warming coffee and looked at the cake with longing.

"I said, taste it", Jade repeated. "Here, use my spoon." She handed over her spoon which I gladly accepted.

The cake was soft but didn't have the texture of a cake made with flour. You could tell that it was more firm. My best guess was that it was mainly made from dates. But I was pleasantly surprised to be fair. "It's really good." I nodded in agreement as I returned her spoon.

"I know, right." Jade filled the few seconds of silence that followed with another bite of the cake before speaking again, "I've actually thought about you from time to time between high school and now… Is it just me or does this feel like some kind of parallel universe?"

I instantly knew what she meant by that description. Never could I have imagined that me and her could get along so well. She went from a person that I admired from a distance to someone I really wanted to be close to. "No, I get what you mean. It feels like, this…" I made a gesture between us to point out the invisible bond, "could have been us if we were friend back then." An unavoidable chuckle escaped me as the train of thought was faster than my mouth.

That seemed to induce a spark of irritation with Jade. "What?"

With a bit of a teasing connotation I answered, "I just never expected you to turn out… so nice?"

Jade winked her forehead. "I thought we've gone over that already." She reached over the table and nudged my lightly on my forearm. "We all know I was an awful, insecure human being back then."

"That's not what I meant. I've always admired you and I think you've had this niceness inside all along", I replied with an undertone of mischievousness because I predicted what her response would look like.

"No way. You probably hated me back then." She smirked and put her hands in the air in a defeated manner, "I wont judge you for it."

It made me slightly sad that the way she viewed her past self was in such a degrading way. "Absolutely not. I never hated you… I secretly liked you very much." Without knowing why I felt how my cheeks turned pink under my lightly tanned skin.

You could tell that Jade noticed the sudden change in the atmosphere. But she just smirked gracefully, if that combination was even possible, and pretended as if nothing had happened. But the change was hard to ignore and I knew she had noticed it too, which made it even scarier.

* * *

 **A/N:** No, the last chapter wasn't the end, sorry if you got that impression. I'm just letting the story come to me, develop in its own time. If that even makes sense. And the way I see it there is no such thing as "the good stuff", a reason for many to push forward. A lesbian relationship is just that, a relationship, and not something to be minimise to objectify it into something without its context. Sorry if I got too serious for a second. I just needed to get that off my chest…

On another, less serious, note. I'm considering going into another line of work. Maybe even picking up my university studies again… but when do you really know what to do with your life? Can someone out there tell me?!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** OKAY, PAUSE FOR A SECOND! I know I usually write, wrote, my notes at the end of each chapter. But hey, listen up. It's been a year. It's been MORE than a year since the previous chapter. BUT I STILL GET NOTIFICATIONS THAT YOU GUYS ARE STILL F*CKING READING THIS! It's totally insane, blows my mind. I'm honored and confused at the same time. So here you go, you deserve this one.

* * *

 **Chapter Four**

The morning part of a full day shift was usually the easiest one. The only thing you had to do was to station yourself by the coffee machine and make Americanos as if you worked at an assembly line in a factory. The longer the day went on the more food people wanted, and the more special orders arose. In the mornings the only ones that came by were the business men and women who only needed their usual pick me up on their way to their office work. So that meant that you didn't even have to do any dishes since they all asked for take away paper cups. Which was really bad for the environment, but very convenient for us. But as the day prolonged the more cups made out of porcelain were used. And that day me and those cups weren't the best combo.

The afternoon rush had calmed down and my shift was drawing to a close. But the rain was draining my mood and making the work more difficult than it needed to be. I turned around and dropped my third cup of coffee, that day, onto the floor. The white cup scattered all over the tiles and the tiny puddle of coffee began to motion towards the drain underneath the counter. I cursed quietly at my own clumsiness, "shit…".

From behind me I heard Rob reassuring to the customer, who wore glasses with a broad, black trim, that he would get his coffee. "So sorry about that. Take a seat and we'll bring it to you." As I hopelessly stared at my mistake, trying to wish it away, I saw Rob's feet enter my field of vision. "You seem awfully distracted today."

"No, why would you say that?" I shook my head to break the spell that the shattered cup had laid upon me.

"Because you've already dropped, like what, three cups today, two of which broke." He handed me a broom and dustpan. "That's not like you. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Thanks for the concern." I bit back and began cleaning up after myself.

"Okay, sorry for asking." Then he slyly added, "you sure it has nothing to do with the black haired femme fatale that entered a few days ago?"

The broom almost fell out of my hand and I fumbled to grab a hold of it. "What? Why? What do you know about that?"

Rob chuckled, his grin growing larger by the millisecond. Mischievously he replied, "I met her outside when I was closing yesterday. She was apparently looking for you". He took the broom and dustpan from my hands and swiftly cleaned up the mess I had made.

Yesterday I worked the closing shift. But since the café was empty before closing Rob had been an angel and allowed me to leave early. A sting of regret caught me as I heard how Jade had been looking for me… From nowhere the text with the address and invitation to the theatre made itself reminded, burning in my pocket. I pulled out my phone and re-opened the latest message from Jade. Out of habit I scrolled upp to see previous conversations. Nostalgia filled me as I re-read texts from years ago. The man that didn't get his coffee because of me, was long gone from my memory. The only thing that seemed to be on my mind was her. Black locks and a soft smile that was so inviting it hurt. Why she now was someone that inevitably pulled me closer appeared to be a mystery to me. The only thing I could compare her with was a black hole.

The bearded man returned from the floor. The man with the glasses had his coffee. My mistake was erased… thanks to Rob I might add. He bent over and leaned his elbow against the counter. For a silent second looked at me before begging me to obey with one simple word, "go".

Confused I searched for an answer, to his strange behaviour, in his eyes.

"How often does your friends from across the pond visit you? I've never heard of any. So I suggest that you make the most of the time she has here."

"Really?" I raised one eyebrow and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I can hold the fort. It's only one hour left." He straightened up and gave me a smug smile. "I'm a lot smarter than I look. Whoever she is she's a lot better than that pile of crap you have at home."

I stared at his tall, wide stature before finding his bearded face. He reminded me of Big Foot if the creature would have existed and been human. "And you're a lot nicer than you look too." I wrapped my arms around his midriff and gave him a quick hug, which he didn't enjoy. Not that I cared about how he felt about the embrace.

I took the underground to the theatre. It was only a few, short stops away. When I walked up the stairs to reach ground level I noticed that the sky had turned very dark, almost black. The evening was painfully cold and my coat didn't warm me as much as I wanted it to. Along the sidewalk the water, from the rain earlier that day, created a tiny river that flowed with me as I walked down the road. I used my phone as a guide to the adress that Jade had sent to me the day before.

The front of the theatre wasn't drawing too much attention to itself. A big signboard, without a poser, covered the second and third floor. The ground floor presented the box office behind glas doors. And the entrance was protected from rain by a narrow ledge with lamps along the brim. I tentatively tried to thug on the glass door, examining if it was a possible way in. Which it wasn't. I took two short steps backwards and looked up in the ceiling. Even if the answer most likely wasn't above me that was usually the first thing confused people did, for no apparent reason. No answer to anything ever fell down from the sky. I knew from experience that you entered a theatre from the back if you were a part of the staff or cast. But I was neither.

Due to the reflection, from the lit up street behind me, I failed to see Jade on the other side of the doors and almost pissed my pants as she opened them with a forceful swing. "You came!"

Before answering I had to catch my breath. So instead I simply nodded, smiled and waved at her. After I had calmed myself down slightly I asked, "you knew I was coming?"

"No, I just saw you on my way to the stalls."

"Oh, okay, good. Cause I have no memory of telling you."

"Thanks a lot for the info by the way." Jade rolled her eyes. "Come on, let me show you the theatre." She turned her back at me but I noticed her hand lingering behind. So I took it and I instantly felt safe. As soon as I grabbed her hand she responded by squeezing mine. We made our way over the red carpet clad floor in the foyer and entered the back of the stalls. It wasn't a big theatre, but the building was as extravagant as only old theaters were. Jade led me to the middle row of seats and gestured for me to walk down along it. As I ended up in the middle of the middle row she told me to sit down. So I did, with Jade seating herself next to me. For some reason wondered if Seth or anyone else from the staff was around.

Almost as if she could read me mind she said, "Seth left an hour ago. I'm sorry you missed him. But you'll get the chance to meet him, I promise." She leaned her head against the back of the velvet dressed seat and looked obliquely upwards.

To get a better look at her face, I leaned forward, resting my arms against my knees and looked slightly backwards at her. "But you're still here?"

Jade's green eyes met mine and she smiled. "Not alone."

"But you didn't know I was coming."

"I had a hunch." She smirked and chuckled, a very typical Jade-thing to do. "But really though, I find it very peaceful just sitting here. Looking out over the theatre, over the stage and imagining my play up there. It's like a dream come true you know…" Her voice faded away and merged into the walls.

I remembered how hard working she had been in high school, how dedicated she was to her art. And how much she was willing to sacrifice to reach her goals. Instinctively I grabbed her hand and said with conviction that was fit to plea to a jury, "I can't think of anyone who deserves this more than you".

Her soft lips turned into a gentle smile and she enclosed my hands with hers. She looked at me with such warmth. "Go up there." Her eyes went to the stage. "You deserve it too you know."

The dark wooden stage made a bothered sound as I walked across it. Like an old man who had been sitting for too long in his brown leather armchair and now, out of nowhere, had been disturbed. From up there the theatre looked a lot smaller. I looked out over the rows of seats and tried to take everything in. There was no light technician around so the lights were pre-set dim. Vaguely, I could see Jade looking at me from her seat. I wanted to do something with this moment, savour it. It had been my dream ever since I arrived. But that dream had withered away with my pride and my confidence. That moment that notion was more present than it had ever been… I turned around and looked at the backdrop, the heavy black fabric that draped down along the back.

Thanks to the talkative stage I noticed that Jade had joined me. "Don't you want to sing!?" I looked at her as she spun around on the spot with her arms wide open. She was filled with so much excitement that is was tangible.

"I don't know if I can anymore", I admitted. "Jade.. it's been years since I last went to an audition, or even sang for that matter."

She stopped spinning to look at me. "I didn't think I could write either. But look at this", she gestured out over the stalls, "it happened, it is happening." With decisive steps she walked up to me and, to my surprise, embraced me. With her arms lingering around the small of my back she said, "I can tell that you still want to be up here. And if that's the case I have no doubt in my mind that you're able to."

"Do you really think so?" I placed my hands on her hips and looked at her with scepticism. The way she looked at me. It was a long time ago since anyone looked at me like that. Like I could do anything I set my mind to. Jade's eyes told on her how much she believed in me. And that feeling was amazing. I didn't want to let it go. I wanted that feeling with me at all times. The gravity she possessed, that pulled me closer, worked its magic without my knowledge.

Her lips enchanted me, and I followed their movement as she spoke. "I believe in your talent." Jades green eyes trapped me.

The impuls I had was impossible to resist. So I gave in to my desire.. and kissed her. Against my lips hers felt like the softest silk. Her grip around me tightened and the kiss filled me with a feeling I had been running low on. The feeling of being wanted. Her scent, her perfume, turned itself into an association with her closeness and I knew that I would love that scent till the day I died.

Jade pulled away from the kiss and looked at me with a mixture of confusion and concern. "What was that for?" Then her face almost cracked up into an amused smirk.

"It's not funny Jade." I let go of her and backed up a step.

She followed my way and pulled me back into her arms. "I didn't say it was." And then she kissed me again. And once more I fell, deep down. And this time I couldn't get back up. So when she asked, "I take it's in order to ask you out for a dinner. How about tomorrow?", I didn't have the strength to decline. My heart had officially been stolen torn into pieces.

* * *

 **A/N:** To be fair I had to re-read the previous chapters because I couldn't really remember where I wanted this to go. But now I get it, I miss them too, and I like this story. So yes I think I'm back on track. What do you think about this?

If you're still here from waaaay back when, all props to you. And leave a simple hi if you want to make it down memory lane with me.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N** : I have a conscience you know. So… I have to trigger warn this chapter for physical and mental abuse. Okay? Sorry about that. I hope you will forgive me.

* * *

 **Chapter Five**

The feeling of Jade's lips lingered on mine, her hands on the small of my back. I wanted that sweet and fuzzy feeling inside to keep me safe, to give me strength. Still my legs, trembling out of worry, carried me along the lit-up street. And slowly but surely that warm feeling I had earlier was replaced by an unfriendly, biting cold. The streetlights ahead of me made the asphalt shimmer in the dark night. I didn't dare to look at the time. I also didn't dare to not do so. Either the knowledge of the time would scare me to no end or prepare me for the nightmare that was to come.

The door was unlocked and the handle was made out of unwelcoming, cold, brass. But my definition of Jade as a black hole had not been fair. She wasn't an inhumane force that swallowed everything in her presence. She provided warmth, love, and a feeling of purpose. The man, behind that door, sitting in his armchair surrounded by bottles, he was a black hole. This house was a black hole, and at that moment I couldn't turn back, I was being sucked in. It was like a roller coaster that I couldn't get off. When everything was good I couldn't remember things ever being bad, and when things were bad I only wished for the good. I couldn't stop myself from hoping. Maybe tonight would be different. Maybe this time he'll represent the man I fell in love with. The man, I convinced myself, he still was on the inside.

"There you are…" Daniel slurred. He could barely focus his eyes on me where I stood in the hallway. My preconceived notion of his whereabouts was right. He sat, as usual, deep down in his armchair with a half empty bottle of beer in his hand.

"Yes, here I am…" I walked into the living room and the stench of beer hit me. And the smell of something else, something stronger. I believed it was whiskey, or brandy.

He emptied the bottle of beer and dropped it on the wooden floor. It made an unpleasantly loud noise when it hit the floor, but it didn't break. Instead I followed it with my gaze as it rolled underneath the sofa. I hated that floor. It was as uneven as only poorly renovated houses floors were in England. The old houses were so crocked that a parquet flooring could never be put in flat, and if it somehow worked it only needed a year or two to turn into a stormy ocean. That was one reason to opt for carpet.

"Where have you been? I've missed you, you know." Daniel's voice softened.

I didn't move a muscle. And I felt how I shrank where I stood. I kept my gaze pinned down onto the floor. Every time I looked at it I found a new crack. "You've been drinking again…"

That was a sore spot, and I knew it. Thunder came crashing down, "look at me, and answer my question!"

I had to gathered all of my strength to meet his gaze that now had firmed up. He was standing tall in front of me, suddenly seeming quite sober. The light from the lamp on the windowsill made him look like a shadow, no visible expression, nothing but a human form. He was handsome, or at least he used to be, tall and graceful in his appearance. "I'm sorry, but I'm here now." I took a deep breath and walked past him to start gathering the bottles from the coffee table.

His voice towered over my head as he spoke, "where have you been? Have you been seeing someone?!" He grabbed my shoulder and spun me around right as I was about to pick up the bottle from the floor, "I said look at me!"

I dropped all three bottles I had gathered in my arms and my hands instinctively raised to shield my face. "No, I haven't, I'm so sorry I'm late." I heard how the bottles were rolling away from me. "Let me just clean this up and then let's go to bed. Okay?"

Daniel turned his face away and massaged his temples with a loud sigh. "You know I'm only worried, right?"

"Yeah, of course I do." And suddenly I believed him. I lowered my hands and began standing up slowly.

"But then why are you late?" He asked quietly into the palm if his hand before grabbing his own chin. He didn't even give me a second to think before he hit me with full force, straight across my face, with his left hand. "Answer me!"

He never hit me where it couldn't easily be covered up, so this one came as a surprise. The shock minimized the impact and somehow I got strength from it. I stood up and yelled from my core, the adrenaline pumping, "I was meeting up with a friend from high school!" I didn't know how loud I had been since his hand had hit my right over my ear and left me with a deafening ringing noise.

"So, you did see someone, you lied to me!" I saw a fire in his eyes, the daze from the alcohol was gone.

This time I was prepared, and this time I had provoked him to start beating me. I should have known better than to scream at him, so I huddled into a ball and hid my face behind me knees, waiting it out. I knew that I could have said that she was only a girl, and not a man. His jealousy was mainly directed towards other men. But I couldn't say that, because that would imply that I hadn't met someone I felt attraction to, which was another lie. And lies are toxic, they snowball, and you will never know where they end up. I felt how old bruises blended with new ones, merged into bigger, bluer, bruises, and then I stopped counting seconds. He was using me as a human punching bag. All I heard was how he yelled at me, calling me every name in the book. Behind my closed eyelids I could feel how tears welled up.

And then it stopped.

It stopped as swiftly as it had begun. I didn't dear to move for a good few minutes. But when I did look up he was on his knees in front of me, tears rolling down his cheeks. He looked at me behind watery eyes, resembling an unbelievably sad puppy dog. "I'm so sorry… I ca-" His voice cracked. "I can't believe I did this. You know I'm better than this." He bent over and hugged me where I sat. "Right? You know I love you."

The warmth from his hug was comforting, real and honest. I melted. Behind my own tears I whispered, "yes. I know."

We sat like that for a good thirty minutes, embracing. When he finally let go of me he walked straight to kitchen and returned with a bag of peas and a kitchen towel. He gently wrapped the bag of frozen peas inside the towel and held it against my right eye. "What have I done to you? I don't deserve you."

"Don't say that." I couldn't bare seeing him so destroyed because of me, the power I had over him was killing me. I was the one not good enough for him. Only someone that was truly evil would make someone go through the pain he had to go through each time I wasn't there for him. All I could say was, "I'm sorry."

"I know." His free hand took mine and pulled it to his lips and he kissed the back of it. "I'll stop drinking, I really will this time. I promise." The genuine regret in his voice warmed my heart. And then he slowly turned into the man I knew I loved. I gently pushed the bag of peas and his hand away from my face. With both hands I cupped his face, feeling his strong jawline between my palms.

Everything happened automatically, from the kiss to the ritual of removing the clothes, from him taking control to me surrendering to his strength. It was like that movie you watched thousands of times when you were a kid but then somehow forgot, only to find it again years later. It was nostalgic, new and old at the same time. This was my confirmation, the confirmation that I needed to know that everything was going to be okay. That we were going to be fine. His warm kisses on my neck, his strong arms around my waist and his firm hands on my back was all so familiar. And yet, it felt as if I hadn't experiences it like that for months. It had been ages since the last time he felt so soft, usually it was him calling the shots and me just wishing it to be over and done with. But this time was different… it felt just like the last time it was different…

I didn't need to climax, not that I ever did. But this time I didn't even feel sorry about it. The sex had only been for him physically. But it had meant the world to me mentally. We sat on the sofa in the living room. He held my hands between his and smiled one of his charming, warm smiles and said, "we could go travel again, you know like we did that first summer." He kissed my hands and then placed them close to his heart. "Where would you like to go?"

After a few seconds of thought I answered, "I would love to visit Australia". Memories began to make themselves remembered as we sat on the sofa, talking about traveling. We had gone interrailing that first summer when we fell in love. We visited most of Europe's big cities. Cities like Paris, Barcelona, Berlin and Rome had been ticked off my bucket-list. It was his adventurous side that had me falling for him in the first place, he had been exciting, like a breath of fresh air. He worked as a banker and that gave him the financial freedom to whatever he pleased. He was also almost ten years my senior which meant that he had provided me with the same financial freedom at the tender age of twenty. Finding someone that both had the money and the appeal at that age had been too good to pass up on.

Daniel examined me with concerned eyes. He let his thumb gently touch the surrounding area of my bruised eye. "Australia it is then." He leaned forward and kissed my head. "Maybe you should go to sleep now."

I did as I was told and walked up the stairs as he stayed behind, still sitting in the sofa.

Before I disappeared upstairs I heard him say, "I love you, you know."

I stopped and took a deep breath before I answered, "I know. love you too."

* * *

 **A/N** : Okay, first, glad to have you read my story. And second, I'm so sorry for this chapter. I'm sorry to be gone for long periods of time and then hit you with things this. I hate this as much as anyone. But I hope that you can see it from Tori's point of view. I'm not saying it's good or right. But at the same time I find it a very important story to tell. Physical abuse is one thing, but mental abuse is maybe even worse. Tell me how you perceive this chapter, both good and bad.

 _PS. If you or anyone you know is in an abusive relationship, please seek help. There are ways to regain control of your own life. Unfortunately no easy quick fixes. But there's help out there, okay?_


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